Optional

I really had something on my chest, and i was like….HEYYYYY TUMBLR WADDUP?!?

—-I’m kind of really tired. Of a lot of things actually. But being stood up is my main peeve as of lately. 

Like seriously dude, you’ve flaked out every time. You aren’t a douche, i am almost certain. But dang, pick up your game asap.because i dont want to move on and get over you just yet.

And you aren’t the only one. I just feel like i stand no ground with a lot of people. Merrrppp….

SOOOOO glad i’m worth people’s time.

Venting. But true.

GUESS WHO’S DONE WITH YOUR BULL SHIT?! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.!!!!!!(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(: happy faces times 30929300. i see through your fake friendliness. And i’m glad i don’t fall into your deceiving deception. You are fake. Fake fake fake fake fake. That happy smile you get when you see me, the little nicknames for me, the words you said of how much i meant to you…..it’s all fake. Nonexistent. Never real. I feel bad for all of those little son of a guns who actually think you like them. You use people to try and feel loved. That’s cool bro if it works for you. But don’t think i’m gonna be one of your tools to feel popular anymore. I’m a genuine kinda gal, so piss off. and don’t try and talk to me anymore unless it’s an apology. Kayyyy bye.

Yah bro

HAAAAAAAA. i remember when i thought that we were legitimately best friends forever! Every time we saw each other, it was like the sunshine to my darkest day. I could tell you anything and everything, and i knew that no matter what, you would still love me and see me the same forever and ever. So much for that. Honestly, forever is a long time. people change through out time. There is no way that one human being can be enough and everything for another individual for such a long time. i need to stop thinking that mankind is going to work in my advantage, and that i’d find those just select few people that i honestly wouldn’t be able to live without. All i need is myself from here on out. No more of this trust crap. It’s my heart that gets burned time and time again. It ain’t happening anymore. The wall is put up, and it’s larger then life. Good luck trying to get to me now.

It’s Official.

I feel like the lights are turned off in my world. Pitch black seems to be a usual feeling on my insides. Even my surroundings, because i can’t really find much motivation to do anything but sleep. I’ve become used to this life style, it’s what i’ve known for quite a while. I’m in the process of brightening up my life, but it’s a long,slow, and hard procedure. But in the past couple of days, I have sensed this little tiny baby flame in my heart to keep going. So until i get my shit all figured out, i’m going to just run around and dance in this darkness and look like a fuggin dumbass, cuz hell, I DONT REALLY CARE! Gotta work with what ya got, am i right?

Need improvement

Have you ever been struggling with some things, and it seems like everything that’s happening in life is constantly reminding you of it? In good ways or bad. For example. Usually Saturday nights, i dwell on the fact that i have to wake up and go to church in the morning. It’s not that i hate church, i just hate the morning! And on top of the usually earliness, it was daylight savings. So lucky us, we all lose an hour of sleep. But i woke up feeling very content with the idea of going to church. Something inside of me was pulling me to having a better attitude about it. So i sit down, all by myself because my of various family reasons, and i continue to sit there for 10-15 minutes just thinking about life and issues, and trying to put on the mask of “Yeah! Everything’s awesome! and I’m really chipper!” but really, I have been struggling with feeling alone and helpless. Every song during worship was about how God is our anchor, we can turn to him in our time of sorrows, and He will be the one to give us hope. And i was like, wow…crazy what a coincidence. But as the service went on, the sermon topic this morning was about feeling hopeless. Coincidence? It’s a hard feeling to shake off. It usually comes along with a lot of deeper, and darker emotions. It’s nothing that someone will tell you that things will be okay and BOOM, problem solved. You may know the truth deep down, but it takes so much power and time to truly stop believing what your mind and the world is telling you.

I left church today still with bad feelings, but just that reminder that I’m not alone, is just what i needed right about now. I still have the same struggles, the same darkness. But no one said it was going to be easy. But just that little shine of hope can make the biggest difference ever. It’s keeping me from falling off the edge.

For he has said, “Never will i leave you, never will i forsake you.”- Hebrews 13:5
(see, there is reasoning behind my tattoo)

"That awkward moment when you don’t feel like you’re wanted. #KayBro. (can you hashtag on tumblr? if not, i just did. so suck on those chinese nuts)"

why is it..

that
-My heart is physically hurting
-My head won’t stop spinning
-I feel like I’ve lost everyone close
-There’s that guy you like but you know you shouldn’t.and you don’t really even know why those feelings are there.
-The guy you feel is the right one is being pushed away because of that ^ queefbag.
-I always procrastinate
-I have the passion,but not the talent.
-I try to fix things and it makes it worse
-Lately i just can’t help but post depressing-ish crap.

Sorry kiddies. Just lots on muh mind. Put up with me for a wee bit longer.

That feeling

That feeling where you are laying in bed, and you are staring at the ceiling, and you just start to analyze. Analyzing anything and everything. Then you feel that weird tingle inside your body, and you feel a pain in your chest. Realizing after a couple more moments of pondering, that it’s your heart. It’s that feeling where you can’t exactly explain what’s going on…Not able to pinpoint the cause of this feeling. As i lay and reminisce within my head, i can’t determine whether the pain is just a happy soul missing good times, or my heart is longing to just have you again.

Gettin Deep

Alright, i think most of us can agree with me by saying that a majority of people have a certain someone in their life that they don’t want to live without. And everyone that agrees with that, can surely say that it sucks penisballsvagina when you feel like that person is slipping away. And even worse when you know it’s your own fault. I’m one of those types of people that when i sense that someone is trying to distance themselves from me, i tend to do the same to them…I have always been bad at mending broken bridges. I’m really hoping that this time will be different. I don’t want to lose you forever. Kay, i’m done now.

Cheers and applause,

Beth.

OKAY,seriously. i am going to marry someone like this. i kid you not. mmmmmmm(:

(Source: work-hard-and-stay-humble)